hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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