He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
In other news, I just burned my penis
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
