It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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