worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
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Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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