The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
pop tarts are not kleenex
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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