You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
