..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
