I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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