he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
