Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
