Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
