I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
