so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize