i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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