btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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