Pants 0. Shit 1.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
