Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
