How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
