Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
