he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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