I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
