i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
