I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Are we still banned from the library?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
