I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Mom said you looked used
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
