I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize