Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
