I'd wear matching sweaters with you
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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