do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I supernannyed him into submission
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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