Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
