a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
