I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
