Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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