i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
