I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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