Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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