someone threw a dead crab at me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
why is half of my head shaved?
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