His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
operation have a gay friend backfired
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
