Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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