Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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