shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
