i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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