brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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