I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
