Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
