VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
