It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
