As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
