She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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