Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
