I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
