Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
