Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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