Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
