my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
