he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
