the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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