Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
