this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
