the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
