420 ftw
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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