I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
