how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
