He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize