You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
