So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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