You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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