glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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