last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
