do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
