Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
