Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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