This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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